Brief Summary: I just wanted to write a fic where the first words were 'Bite me'. And, no, I'm not going to tell you what they were arguing about.
Rating: PG
Season: 6. Spoilers for 'Paradise Lost'.
AN: For Jonas!Crab and Jack!Crab.
As always, feedback is much appreciated.
"BITE ME!"
Jonas winced and spilled a little of his water on the dirt floor. Looking down, he scuffed at some of the dirt, rubbing in the water with the heel of his boot. Behind him, the 'discussion' had quieted again so that he could only hear distinctly angry murmurs through the thick metal door that closed off the building from the outside.
Teal'c moved slightly and settled back against a ruined wall, his eyes closed. Though he no longer needed to kel'nor'reem – there were no medical reasons for him to do so – when they had a free moment, he would often take a few moments to meditate. He said he found it 'calming'.
Jonas quietly mused that maybe Sam and Colonel O'Neill should take up some form of meditation.
Reaching up, he rubbed the back of his head, which was itching slightly. And then he checked his watch, feeling like he ought to be doing something rather than just sitting there. Technically, SG-1 had no where to be; they had made camp for the night. Colonel O'Neill had picked the most strategically advantageous point to settle, in front of one of the few buildings that still had a working door and most walls and ceiling. There was a chance of rain that night and it would be easier to take shelter than to set up the tents.
Most of the technology that remained in the few still-standing buildings was still intact. Sam had murmured something about 'incredible power source' only moments after the Colonel had picked the spot and then she had spent an hour taking apart said power source and then putting it back together again. Taking it apart. Putting it back together again. Taking it apart, putting it back together again.
To say she was single-minded would be an understatement, but then Jonas knew very well how single-minded he himself could be when he was working out a problem.
"OH, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!"
Jonas gritted his teeth and screwed the lid back on his canteen. Looping his fingers together, he looked out towards the darkened ocean. It was a nice spot the Colonel had chosen. When the suns had been up, the view had been pretty spectacular and he'd used his digital camera to take some really quite beautiful pictures.
He wondered if he could go off and... take some more pictures. Away from the camp. Somewhere upwind where he wouldn't be able to hear them.
"Do not move, JonasQuinn."
Jonas stared at Teal'c in surprise. "How did you know what I was thinking?"
"Your foot started tapping, a sure sign that you are eager to move." Teal'c opened his eyes and sighed, his dark eyes lingering on the door. "They are still arguing."
"Yeah."
"That is not good."
"No kidding."
They drifted into silence for a moment, before Jonas's endless curiosity got the better of him. "What do you think it was that set them off?"
Teal'c's shoulders rose slowly and then lowered equally slowly – he hadn't quite got the whole shrugging motion down, Jonas decided. "I do not know. It does not happen frequently," he admitted.
"LIKE THAT'S GONNA HAPPEN!"
Well, Jonas had definitely never heard anything like it. As far as he had observed, the Colonel and Major Carter were on very good terms – nothing remotely antagonistic between them. Sure, they had their professional disagreements, but they were rare and it never resulted in this... this *explosion* of anger.
But something in Teal'c's voice made Jonas wonder if it *had* happened before. "Teal'c, have you ever known them to act like this?"
Inclining his head in a 'yes' motion, Teal'c smiled very tightly. "Occasionally, O'Neill has bad days."
"Bad days?" Jonas grinned – as far as he was concerned, the Colonel only *ever* had bad days, while the Major was much more likely to be continuously easy-going. Unless, of course, one of her teammates was missing – she'd certainly been very hard to get along with when the Colonel had been lost with Maybourne. "Doesn't sound like it's just him."
"No. It is unusual for their bad days to collide, however." Teal'c frowned slightly. "It has only happened once before, in my experience."
"And?"
"There is no more," Teal'c said sternly, uncapping his canteen and raising it to his lips. He took a moment to drink. "They argued for a few minutes in private and afterwards, the tension was considerably less."
"Oh," Jonas said in understanding. Wait a moment. Tension? That sounded suspiciously like... Jonas felt his mouth twitch. "They *like* each other."
Teal'c paled. Or maybe it was the light. It was probably the light. "They are commanding officer and subordinate."
Jumping up eagerly, Jonas all but ran over to where Teal'c was sitting. He dropped down next to him. "They like each other!"
Oh, this was so good. This was beyond good. This was... this was reason enough for sticking it out on SG-1. This was going to get him through so *many* weapons training sessions with Colonel O'Neill.
*This* kicked some superior ass.
"I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M HEARING THIS!"
Teal'c acted as though nothing out of the ordinary was happening. "I do not know to what you are referring."
Jonas narrowed his eyes. He spent a lot of time with Teal'c but he had a feeling that no matter how much time he spent with the guy, he was never going to quite *get* him the way that Colonel O'Neill did. But at this moment in time, Jonas got Teal'c completely.
Smirking, Jonas turned back to the fire. "Well, this is interesting."
"It is not, JonasQuinn."
"Sure it is."
"It is not."
"Is."
"It is not."
"I'm sorry, Teal'c, but this is *great*."
"It is against regulations, JonasQuinn."
Ha! Teal'c had all but admitted it. Now it was *confirmed* information. "How long has it been going on, then?" he wanted to know.
Teal'c made a noise that sounded suspiciously like a growl. "You are being very irritating, JonasQuinn."
He rolled his eyes. "Oh, come *on*. You can't tell me you don't think that this is interesting."
Sighing, the Jaffa closed his eyes briefly. He lowered his voice seriously, "It is not something that pleases O'Neill and Major Carter. It is very uncomfortable for them. They are unable to act upon... it."
Well, okay, there was *that*, Jonas agreed, his mood deflating slightly. Still didn't mean he didn't find it really entertaining, though. Colonel O'Neill regularly mocked Major Carter – teasing her from everything from her working habits to her choice of breakfast. He incessantly cracked jokes that made her roll her eyes and exchange weary glances with Teal'c, he pretended to never know what she was talking about and had no problem snapping at her when she was 'babbling'. Jonas had always wondered why – and now he knew. It was kinda of like when he was very young and he'd pulled girls' hair to get their attention.
He wondered what Sam did to get the Colonel's attention.
"It would be unwise to raise this issue with either of them," Teal'c advised somberly.
"No, I can see that now," Jonas said, feeling his mood deflate a little more. He guessed he could take comfort in knowing something, at least. It did give him a little more insight in Colonel O'Neill, though Sam was still pretty much a mystery. Admittedly, he got on far better with her – she had a good sense of humor and a friendly disposition – but he never really seemed to *learn* anything about her. She didn't exactly give up information – what he did know about her family and her background he'd learned from others. The same went with Colonel O'Neill, but it wasn't as if he and the Colonel really chatted much so it was to be expected that he knew next to nothing about him.
He wondered if Sam was just as much a mystery to Colonel O'Neill. He was guessing 'yes'.
"I could have sworn this argument came out of nowhere, though," Jonas said thoughtfully. "One moment they were getting along fine, the next...." He gestured to the door he was now facing. Inside, the voices were still 'discussing', just as harshly as before, though a little less loudly.
"It is strange. Something must have occurred while we were patrolling."
That was a good point – Teal'c and Jonas had left the two of them alone for a few minutes while they scoped out the surrounding area. But it couldn't have been more than five minutes, ten at the most. What the hell could he have said – Jonas was assuming it was the Colonel – to piss her off so much? And what did she say in response?
Damn. He really wished he could be a bug on the wall. Fly. Fly? No, it was definitely 'fly'.
"It aggravated DanielJackson very much," Teal'c murmured quietly, after a while.
"He knew?"
Teal'c nodded in a resigned fashion. "He did, indeed. He thought they were missing out on something important."
"If it goes against the regulations of the Air Force..."
"It is not just a matter of that, though that is indeed very important. As I understand it, it is a matter of personal honor, as well. And respect."
No doubt Teal'c approved of that, Jonas thought knowingly. That line of thinking was just up his path. No, ally. 'Just up his ally'. That was it.
"And it would change the dynamic of the team," Jonas added after a while, thinking it through.
"Yes. Very much so."
"We had a similar set up back on Kelowna. In the military. And in some workplaces. I never really had to worry about it, though – it wasn't as if I dated much. Too involved with my work," he admitted, sheepishly. It was a situation he was trying to rectify now that he was on Earth. "I guess I never really thought about it."
"No – " Teal'c paused before continuing, as the door to the building opened and Sam walked out. Smiling tightly at Jonas, she bent to pick up her P-90.
He hoped she wasn't about to shoot the Colonel.
"Jonas, Teal'c," the Colonel said brusquely, walking out of the room also and looking a little pinched around the eyes. "Carter and I are going on patrol."
Teal'c nodded, though Jonas raised his eyebrows. It wasn't usual for there to be more than one patrol a night, particularly on deserted planets like this, and he was about to comment about the change in protocol when Teal'c jabbed him in the side.
"Ow!" Jonas yelped. "Teal'c..."
"There was an insect on you, JonasQuinn," he replied quickly.
Jonas wasn't stupid - he got the message, though he did feel Teal'c didn't have to be quite so violent about it. He bet he'd have a bruise there tomorrow and it would be hard to explain to Dr. Fraiser when they got back.
Giving them an odd look, Sam walked after Colonel O'Neill, running briefly to catch up with him. With unfettered curiosity, Jonas watched as the two walked side by side, shoulders brushing. He saw the Colonel reach behind and rest his hand over the base of Sam's vest, where the small of her back would be, then saw him take his hand away swiftly when she glanced up at him.
"I think Daniel's right," he announced as they disappeared into the trees.
"As do I. But this is not the time or the place."
Standing up, Jonas walked back to his position on the other side of the fire. "So... tell me about Colonel O'Neill. What's his favorite movie?"